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Beyond Being Thin

13 Dec

“Welcome to the Milk Mama Diaries Carnival (December). For this month, we want to honor breastfeeding for having enriched our lives and blessed us, maybe even empowered us, in a way that only breastfeeding can. Please scroll down to the end of this post and check out the other carnival participants.”

I was a fat kid. I wasn’t cute, healthy, or big boned. I was just plain fat.

As a child, I would always get clothes from the pre-teens section. As a pre-teen, from the teens section, and as a teen, from the ladies department. My only saving grace was that I was tall for my age, so I didn’t look that horrible.

Then one day, when I was in grade 4, I stepped on the scale and saw that my weight hit a whopping 140 pounds. To put it into perspective, I was 60 pounds heavier than the average girl my age. My weight was the equivalent of almost 2 11 year olds!

It was at that point that I decided that I needed to lose weight. Yes, at 11 years old, I went on my first diet. I also tried sports – there was a new taekwondo class being offered, and I decided to enroll.

It took a while but eventually, I started to shed the pounds. From then on, I was always on a diet. Here’s a picture of me on my wedding day, I think I was more or less at my thinnest then:

i'm such a ray of sunshine

At this point, I was 10 pounds less than my ideal weight according to those height and weight charts. However, despite being underweight, I never really felt thin. There was always a body part to tone, a bilbil to get rid of. While I knew in my mind that I was no longer my grade 4 self, I was always afraid I’d get back to it if I let myself go.

Then Meia happened. When we decided to have a baby, I promised myself that I would start dieting right after I gave birth. I would eat a lot during my pregnancy but that was okay, there was a little one inside of me that I was eating for as well.

7 months pregnant

Then I decided to breastfeed. This is what I didn’t account for in my get-back-into-shape-right-after-giving-birth plan. Dieting was a big no-no, as I would feel weak and dizzy if I didn’t eat a lot. Exercising wasn’t an option either — while some websites say that it’s okay for me to exercise while breastfeeding, I realized that it severely affected my milk supply.

Today, nine months in, I’m still 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and light years away from my pre-pregnancy body.

What I’ve realized during the past year is that my body is no longer my own. I am in charge of taking care of it, of making sure that it’s healthy, but it’s not mine alone. I currently share it with Meia, who is getting her milk only from me. Because of that, I realized that I needed to push away my fear of being fat and concentrate on nourishing Meia for the time being. So what if I have a pooch in my belly? So what if I still don’t fit into any of my favorite prepregnancy clothes?

Don’t get me wrong. I still feel fat every now and then. But you know what? It’s more than worth it because I have this in return:

a happy 9 month old bouncing bear

Breastfeeding has freed me from my fears. It has made me realize that my body is beautiful because it has performed and continues to perform a beautiful function – it has produced the most wonderful baby in the world and continues to nourish her even outside the womb.

Do take the time to check out all the posts in this month’s carnival:

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16 Comments

Posted by on 12/13/2011 in Breastfeeding, Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

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16 responses to “Beyond Being Thin

  1. Nathalie Velasco-Tan

    12/13/2011 at 8:34 am

    Love you post, Shaps!!!! Meia is so beautiful, makes me want to have a baby girl of my own, Hahaha! I’m happy for you that breastfeeding has helped you love yourself more. I think being able to nourish your child is empowering, beautiful and sexy! Good Job! (P.S. I wonder if we can get Meia, Nathan and Ben together for a photoshoot. Nakakaloka siguro yun, but fun!)

     
    • bouncingbear

      12/13/2011 at 8:40 am

      Hi, Nats! Thanks so much for your support. You helped me survive the first few weeks of parenthood/breastfeeding — naloka na siguro ako if it weren’t for your emails!

      Hey, that’s a great idea! Let’s have a Pyros NextGen photoshoot! πŸ™‚ Let’s invite Krista as well para complete. When do you want to do it and where? πŸ™‚

       
  2. Mec Camitan Arevalo

    12/13/2011 at 11:15 am

    There is nothing like motherhood to put our bodies into a whole new perspective indeed πŸ™‚

     
  3. Anne Margaux Quezada

    12/14/2011 at 2:17 pm

    Don’t worry, you’re not the only one in miles away of the pre-pregnancy body:) But my kids adore me and my husband loves me more now than ever before.

     
  4. Carol

    12/14/2011 at 5:34 pm

    My husband asked me if I was afraid that my boobs would sag (as if there is really something to sag about). I told him no, because he wouldn’t let me pose for Playboy anyways. Kidding aside, it’s just aesthetics. Looking at all the gifts that we have now, I consider everything else a bonus.

    P.S. We all know breastfeeding doesn’t cause sagging, right?

     
  5. eleora113

    12/14/2011 at 11:56 pm

    I feel the same.. After giving birth I have no issues about weight and getting thin. My life became less stressful. πŸ™‚

     
  6. Didi

    12/15/2011 at 8:28 am

    I have a LOT of issues with my weight and body BUT when I see my Kailee happy bubbly and cute – WALA NA AKONG PAKI-ALAM what others will say!! πŸ™‚ Hehehe!! πŸ™‚

    Good job Shappy!! πŸ™‚

     
    • bouncingbear

      12/16/2011 at 7:27 am

      Thanks, Di. Kailee is so cute nga! I’m secretly (well, not so secretly anymore now that I’m telling you this) jealous of your milk kasi parang ang nutritious — Kailee is so healthy! Sabay nalang tayo magdiet next year πŸ™‚

       
  7. mymommyology

    12/16/2011 at 6:07 am

    The part about your body not being yours is sooo true! I want to eat (or not eat) certain things but I can’t because I need it for milk supply. Such are the things we do for our kids. πŸ™‚

     
    • bouncingbear

      12/16/2011 at 7:28 am

      And they’re more than worth it πŸ™‚

       
  8. Cherry

    12/21/2011 at 11:46 am

    You’re in fact sexier now, Shaps πŸ™‚ So happy for you and the choices you’ve made.

     
    • bouncingbear

      12/21/2011 at 7:17 pm

      Hehe. Thanks, Cher. I don’t regret them at all πŸ™‚

       

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