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Bad Mommy Day

27 Sep

I know I should be writing about our Singapore trip, but I just had to share this with you.

Last Monday, someone decided to poke her itty bitty hand inside the electric fan while it was turned on.

I was right beside her when that happened. She asked for her water, so I turned my back to get it for her. Then I heard a loud “NO!” from the bear’s grandmother, then I saw (in slow motion, just like in the movies) Meia put her forefinger inside the fan. I wanted to die when I heard her cry out. It was horrible.

I hugged her and hugged her until she stopped crying. We put betadine on the wound and had her play with water to clean the injury. After 10 minutes or so, the bear was back to her happy self. She didn’t even flinch when we washed her hands with soap.

As for me, I spent the rest of the night moping in bed. Seriously. I remember the first time I had my heart broken, I spent about an hour each day crying (I would time myself so I wouldn’t become too pathetic). After that hour, I would force myself to do normal things for the rest of the day. That was because I poured my heart out to a guy who believed that he had no feelings for me (HAH!). And for Meia’s admittedly small flesh wound? I became completely and utterly useless. My husband (who has since then seen the error of his ways *ahem*) tried to talk to me that night but I was having none of it. I was the one nearest to her, you see, and I could have prevented the whole incident if I only had another pair of eyes on the back of my head. Whatever. I still know I could have done something. But I didn’t. I failed. Fuck me, I am such a bad mother. So I just slept the night away.

It’s been a couple of days and I am feeling a bit better. I still cringe whenever I look at the fan (we already replaced one of them with a bladeless model but the wind isn’t just the same). I still mentally kick myself whenever I see her wound and remember her cries and the tears streaming down her face. I know I don’t suck as a mom, I know I try to give it my best, and things are not always going to go my way. I know that, but I don’t know that, you know what I mean?

I love you my little one. I know I can’t protect you from everything, but I’m sure as hell going to try.

This is her after a doctor’s appointment. She rarely feels the injections.

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7 Comments

Posted by on 09/27/2012 in Parenthood, Uncategorized

 

7 responses to “Bad Mommy Day

  1. Kate

    09/27/2012 at 1:16 pm

    Electric fans are on my Worst Nightmares list when it comes to Hector. It’s right up there along with slippery swimming pool ledges and open windows (we live in a condo and I’m afraid of heights; so Hector anywhere within the vicinity of an open window gives me the shivers).

    Having had my share of bad mommy days, all I can say is, if I can get Hector to be a responsible member of society with all his limbs and digits still accounted for (and without me dying of a heart attack along the way; or him still being moderately sane after I release him from the protective, bubble-wrap cage I’m having made for him), I’d consider myself a success….

     
    • Shaps

      09/27/2012 at 7:07 pm

      I know what you mean, Kate. I don’t even qualify whether the window is open or not. As long as it’s made of glass, I get scared that Meia will do a harry potter and the window will just magically disappear @_@ I think I lost my sanity the day I gave birth. :p

       
  2. Maqui

    09/28/2012 at 8:30 am

    cyber hugs! Aki is almost three and I sill feel guilty whenever he is sick or gets into a accident.
    i thought of sharing this post. it might help in baby proofing the fan
    http://madammisismummy.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/how-to-childproof-your-electric-fan-with-just-25-bucks/

     
    • Shaps

      09/28/2012 at 5:24 pm

      Thanks for the tip, Maqui! An ingenious (and tipid) way of child proofing the house 🙂

       
  3. Didi

    10/09/2012 at 12:39 pm

    Shaps! I think meron yung parang kulambo for the electric fan? It might somehow prevent those accidents. hehehe.. Don’t feel bad! I know the slow motion like in the movies! It happened to me when Kailee feel off the side table! I felt really bad, but then naisip ko – these accidents happen and there’s no way for us to control it. We can’t watch them intently 24/7.

    Meia’s tough with injections ha! Kailee cries when she sees Doc Joy but after the injection – wala na, di na siya iiyak. Hahaha!

    *Hugs* shappy!!

     
    • Shaps

      10/10/2012 at 5:10 pm

      Hi, Di. Yes, we have that electric fan cover! Unfortunately the one we got from saizen does not cover the whole fan and of course Meia picks the place where there is no cover as the perfect spot to poke her cute little finger.

       

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